F was ill at nursery on Tuesday, and still complaining yesterday morning, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt (sucker!) and let him stay off. I also thought "Sod it, they aren't having a great time at the moment, what with one thing and another, let's seize the day" so we went down to Sandymouth. It only took us about 35 minutes to get there and it was lovely. Shingle and rocks until the tide was out, then lots of sand. Lots of rockpools - and I bought them fishing nets to poke about with, though they didn't catch anything (surprise) - lots of places to scramble, big tidal pools to paddle in (cold), waterfalls coming down onto the beach and a really nice cafe, not a rip off at all. Free to park for NT members (middle class smugness). The sun came out and went in and came out and went in and the sea faded from blue blue blue to dull grey and then back to sparkly blue again. All very pleasant, and the kids were lovely.
Back to nursery and work today - S at Granny and Grandad's - Dad picked her up from the health centre this morning and F came in to see the nurse with me. I am sure my line has moved out of my arm a little bit, which is a bit of a worry.
Woke in the night last night worrying about pension, stuff at work, lift home from chemo next week...none of it major, but I think I'm just stressed and stuff pops up that I can hook my anxiety onto.
We all got into our bed for stories last night. Big cosy time. A really lovely day.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
sunny monday
It snowed yesterday! Beautiful feathery flakes that stuck around for about 3 hours - long enough for a snowball fight - and then all disappeared. Went for a little bike ride in the afternoon along the tarka trail - lots of primroses, wild garlic leaves with buds starting to show and fresh new leaves on the trees appearing. There were patches of wood anenome and soon there will be bluebells. It was quite warm down there, because you're out of the wind.
S is going great guns on her bike, but whinged a bit on the return leg. F was on the tagger bike - standing up on the pedals, pedalling backwards, keeping up a running commentary on the whole proceedings, lots of criticisms of Dad's speed (lack of) and wobbling (excess of).
To the park today with Brooke. Warm until the sun went in. Bought ice creams from Mr Hocking - S and B managed to trap S's between the car door and the next car along so I had to buy another. Total despair from S. Nell came over in the afternoon. Wouldn't go up to the tree house, but they boinged on the trampoline and then watched Hoodwinked...
Work tomorrow.
S is going great guns on her bike, but whinged a bit on the return leg. F was on the tagger bike - standing up on the pedals, pedalling backwards, keeping up a running commentary on the whole proceedings, lots of criticisms of Dad's speed (lack of) and wobbling (excess of).
To the park today with Brooke. Warm until the sun went in. Bought ice creams from Mr Hocking - S and B managed to trap S's between the car door and the next car along so I had to buy another. Total despair from S. Nell came over in the afternoon. Wouldn't go up to the tree house, but they boinged on the trampoline and then watched Hoodwinked...
Work tomorrow.
Friday, April 4, 2008
a brief word about time...
Just realised that all the times on this obviously relate to some other part of the world. I'm not actually up at 4 in the morning pouring my soul out into the computer. It is now 16.38, so you'll have to work it out for yourself.
Friday
Very fuzzy headed. Mix up yesterday about picking up S - apparantly told her I would be picking her up, though she usually goes to Brooke's. I assumed she would be going to Brooke's as usual, but we hadn't discussed it, so I said to Jess "If you see S looking abandoned pick her up and take her home". Sure enough, I'm on the way to pick up F and the phone goes and it's Jess...
Still, all's well that ends well and she had a nice time with Nell, better than trailing through to Barnstaple to pick up F. And today I got up to the hospital and discovered that the appointment I thought was for today was cancelled until May. So stupid!
A looking really fit at the moment, and I feel like a big saggy blob.
Apparantly it's going to get really cold this weekend, so no point doing any planting until after that. We just got a tree catalogue, so we can expand the "orchard". All these local varieties of apple and cherry. Lots of Landkey based ones - must have been a big orchard area at one point. There is a cherry tree road on the new estate just before nursery, but not much other evidence.
A working an extra day today. I pottered around, had lunch with Anne Tat (accidentally), then came home and had a nap. Mike just turned up to do the field so S is up the tree house with his boy Kieran. Nice email from the Duffys - lovely hippy Jane. Must email her back.
Still tired this time. Is it a cumulative thing or just the new meds? Was having a prod last night and I do think it's smaller, but am worried about getting obsessed.
Spoke to Tess and Jen has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. Just had her first chemo. She is 42 too. What is going on?
Still, all's well that ends well and she had a nice time with Nell, better than trailing through to Barnstaple to pick up F. And today I got up to the hospital and discovered that the appointment I thought was for today was cancelled until May. So stupid!
A looking really fit at the moment, and I feel like a big saggy blob.
Apparantly it's going to get really cold this weekend, so no point doing any planting until after that. We just got a tree catalogue, so we can expand the "orchard". All these local varieties of apple and cherry. Lots of Landkey based ones - must have been a big orchard area at one point. There is a cherry tree road on the new estate just before nursery, but not much other evidence.
A working an extra day today. I pottered around, had lunch with Anne Tat (accidentally), then came home and had a nap. Mike just turned up to do the field so S is up the tree house with his boy Kieran. Nice email from the Duffys - lovely hippy Jane. Must email her back.
Still tired this time. Is it a cumulative thing or just the new meds? Was having a prod last night and I do think it's smaller, but am worried about getting obsessed.
Spoke to Tess and Jen has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. Just had her first chemo. She is 42 too. What is going on?
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
New treatment
Well, went along last Thursday and it's shrunk a bit but not as much as they'd hoped, so they changed my chemo to taxotere ( I think. You would think I would know, wouldn't you?). I had to be predosed with steroids because it can cause reactions ("What sort of reaction?" "Well, like an anaphylactic reaction, really") so it all took quite a long time. Didn't feel so sick but am sooooooo tired. It's Wednesday now and I still feel knocked out and everything still tastes horrible. I bought some lemonade today, which is actually drinkable, and some ginger tea, which is just about drinkable. Wanted some Yogi Tea really, but Sainsbury's only had the liquorice and that sounded a bit scary.
A is going great guns with the tree house and has dug out a couple of beds and I just loll around like something out of a Victorian novel and could quite happily spend the day in bed, except that when I'm there I don't really fell comfortable. Whinge whinge whinge.
Poor little S has a sore neck. She's really having a bad time at the moment. Stressed. F made me a card at nursery yesterday "to make you feel better."
S did a scrap book page for Great Granny. "She was kind and helped me and I loved her". If she gets a cat she says she's going to call it Phyllis May Rawlinson. I suspect by the time she does get a cat she will have reverted to Princess Snow Crystal or Sugar Sweet Pearl....
So I'm just struggling on. I keep telling myself it will be worth it in the end. My finger tips feel a bit numb, which I think is a side effect and my skin is so dry. Never used so much handcream.
This is just a big grumble, isn't it? I'm sorry. I don't feel very upbeat. The sun is shining and i should be out there revelling in it, but I just want to flop. It did start out misty, so I should be very grateful.
A is going great guns with the tree house and has dug out a couple of beds and I just loll around like something out of a Victorian novel and could quite happily spend the day in bed, except that when I'm there I don't really fell comfortable. Whinge whinge whinge.
Poor little S has a sore neck. She's really having a bad time at the moment. Stressed. F made me a card at nursery yesterday "to make you feel better."
S did a scrap book page for Great Granny. "She was kind and helped me and I loved her". If she gets a cat she says she's going to call it Phyllis May Rawlinson. I suspect by the time she does get a cat she will have reverted to Princess Snow Crystal or Sugar Sweet Pearl....
So I'm just struggling on. I keep telling myself it will be worth it in the end. My finger tips feel a bit numb, which I think is a side effect and my skin is so dry. Never used so much handcream.
This is just a big grumble, isn't it? I'm sorry. I don't feel very upbeat. The sun is shining and i should be out there revelling in it, but I just want to flop. It did start out misty, so I should be very grateful.
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