What has happened this week? I am now a woman with short hair. Di came over last night and lopped it off. I grudgingly admit it now looks better than it did , but that is NOT the point. Di's kids are great. Ollie appeared, said "I had chemo when I was 2" with a big grin on his face, showed me his scar, and then got on with hunting F round the field with F's bow and arrow. F ran into the kitchen "Mummy deer, mummy deer, the hunter is going to kill me and eat me" delighted with himself.
Woke at 5am with a sore mouth - infection in my gum. So after my appointment with the nurse - flushing the line, putting a nice white bandage on - saw MP to score some antibiotics. It hurts. It's not fair.
The good news is that my scans were all clear. Hooray, hooray, hooray.
books i have read while i have cancer
Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman
This is what I was reading when I got the diagnosis. I took it with me, unstarted to the first appointment. It hit a chord - that feeling of slipping into an alternative world, not quite connected to the real world, or at least the world that everyone else is in. For a long time I felt as if I was behind a pane of glass. That's such a cliche, but when you get to extremes of emotion, perhaps cliches are all you can use.
Moominvalley
Bought them for S, read them myself. Gentle, melancholy, not really children's books at all.
There was a programme on the radio about therapeutic reading groups and the woman talking on it said that light, cheerful literature was rubbish for depressed people. I think she's probably right - tried some chick-lit and just got irritated with the light-weight, self-obsessed heroines. Have reverted to 14 year old boy mode - lots of page turning fantasy. Aussie bought me "Le Grand Meaulnes", but I can't quite make a go of it.
The glass book of the dream eaters
Can't remember the author, but it was a good romping page turner.
I did think I might do something beautiful and creative, but I don't seem to have any creative juices. (I can't think why!). Did obsessively make paper stars for a bit (S: Mummy, why are you making so many of them?). Something kind of mindless for the hands to do. Some knitting would be good, but I can't for the life of me think what to knit.
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This is about me steadily making my way through treatment for breast cancer and trying to look after my children and grow some vegetables and get to work almost on time and generally be OK
I have seen flowers come in stony places
And kind things done by men with ugly faces
And the gold cup won by the worst horse at the races
So I trust too
John Masefield
And kind things done by men with ugly faces
And the gold cup won by the worst horse at the races
So I trust too
John Masefield
Books I have read while I have cancer
- The Pilot's Wife and The last time they met by Anita Shreve. She's a wonderful writer, but somehow both books left me feeling cheated. They both ended too abruptly and the second one REALLY frustrated me. Is this a fantasy or a ghost story or what? You can't do all that and then end a book like that.
- The Secret life of bees - somebody Kidd - liked it very much, want to taste the food...made me have honey for breakfast
- Touch not the cat - Mary Stewart - romp
- Clayhanger - Arnold Bennett - read it in my teens and twenties, re-reading it is very satisfying. Think I am trying to reconnect with my roots...also, you feel you get to know Edwin so well, and recognise his feelings of the inside not matching the outside.
- a thousand splendid suns - can't remember who wrote it, but he also wrote the kite runner. I found this really powerful and actually stayed up late to read it... not something I do often at the moment.
- The Boleyn Inheritance - Phillipa Gregory - a good read - amazing that you can get so involved, even though you know what will happen to them all.
- Little House on the Prairie - Laura Ingalls Wilder - bought it for S, read it myself. Hadn't realised how amazing these people were - able to turn their hands to anything.
- The Old Wives' Tale - Arnold Bennett - what a great book. And what a great ending.
- Mad Cows - Kathy Lette - actually found this quite stressful and didn't quite believe the solution. Obviously bit into my fear of losing my children...so I couln't find it funny.
- emma - jane austen - you can see her faults and still like her. Must re-read Middlemarch. I suppose the difference is that George Eliot didn't always dole out happy endings for everyone. Poor Tertius Lydgate.
- Celandine - Steven Augarde - oh, a really good read. It had reality.
- The Rose of Sebastapol - by somebody McMahon - enjoyed it, but didn't tie up all the ends
- The fountain overflows - rebecca west- read it and loved it as a student, re-read it then, but haven't read it for years. Was really worried in the first few pages that I wouldn't like it, but sank into it again. Interesting being older - felt much warmer to Cordelia, much more generous.
- Mary Swann - Carol Shields. Haven't read this for years, but she is one of the authors I have held on to.
- Wintersmith - Terry Pratchett - a really satisfying read.
- Bean trees by barbara kingsolver - loved this, a real life affirmer. I always like her stuff.
- Sovereign - by somebody Sansom - nice pageturner, atmospheric, liked it.
- american gods - neil gaiman again - what a great book. Could he write some more, please?
- The exploits of moominpappa - tove janssen - how great is this? But these are not children's books are they? I am still in love with Snufkin.
- labyrinth - kate mosse - a great page turner but a bit of an anticlimax in the end. Be nice to each other? is that all?
- Neverwhere - neil gaiman - saw him on the telly the other night talking about how this was about homelessness. How egocentri am I? I thought it was all about me getting a diagnosis of a life-threatening illness.
- Little House in the Big Woods - reading it to S, so a bit of a cheat. But it's so detailed and takes you into this world that's cosy on the inside and scary on the outside. Hope she is enjoying it as much as I am.
- Random Acts of Enduring Love - or something like that. Read it through but felt vaguely irritated by it. Then discovered it's based on a true story and felt guilty for feeling irritated by it. There you go.
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About Me
- sarah
- I am 43 years old, I have 2 children aged 7 and 4. I was diagnosed with breast cancer this time last year and since then have had chemotherapy, a mastectomy and radiotherapy. It's been a tough year for all of us, especially Rainbowgirl.
1 comment:
Just to say agin really pleased about the scans. and all that reading sounds therapeutic. I think you should knit hats! In lovely wool or cashmenere or silk, maybe a kaffe Fassett or similarly delicious design
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