Well, the consultant was very pleased with progress (though probably not as pleased as I was to hear him say that). Steve kindly drove me home, Julie brought F home (with daffodils and a beautiful card that he drew himself, and he is a genius), so it was OK as chemo days go. S went to Joanna's and had a great time.
Mum and Dad took the kids down to Rodger and Sue's for the weekend and I think they all had a good time. Took the dogs to the beach, went to the zoo, children behaved well, came back brimming with news and excitement. I lolled for a lot of the weekend, and have to say I am feeling tireder this time, and also have really unpleasant muscle ache. Am taking paracetamol and feeling lucky because some people have unbearable muscle ache. The paracetamol takes the edge off, but I'm not sleeping well.
S sleepwalked into our bed last night, curled up on top of the covers, had to be dragged in and covered over. I ended up in the spare bed because I needed to squirm, because I just couldn't get comfortable.
The weather at least was sunny today and I planted the gooseberry bushes (2) and then had to rest. It is so frustrating to have time off and not be able to do anything with it. It is so frustrating not to fell well. Not that I feel ill exactly, but I have no oomph. Missed an exciting meeting at work. So frustrating.
I suppose at least now I realise how much I enjoy doing stuff and how much I enjoy work. I do like getting things sorted out.
The veg patch is still unattacked. Don't see how we're going to grow anything this year. I suppose it is only April, but the year seems to be going...
Aus attacked the big thing. Stone feature. Don't know what it is, but it takes up loads of space on the patio and is not at all attractive. Doesn't seem to serve any sort of purpose except to look generally rustic. Wants to extend the patio, maybe this weekend. I feel like he is surging on and I am just a big saggy bag of bleurgghhh.
Cathy rang today to see how my aches were. Told me that after her first chemo a colleague had asked how she was and she said "Truthfully? All those people who've come in here year after year and said 'I'm fine!' - they were all lying". Made me laugh and feel OK about feeling rubbish.
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This is about me steadily making my way through treatment for breast cancer and trying to look after my children and grow some vegetables and get to work almost on time and generally be OK
I have seen flowers come in stony places
And kind things done by men with ugly faces
And the gold cup won by the worst horse at the races
So I trust too
John Masefield
And kind things done by men with ugly faces
And the gold cup won by the worst horse at the races
So I trust too
John Masefield
Books I have read while I have cancer
- The Pilot's Wife and The last time they met by Anita Shreve. She's a wonderful writer, but somehow both books left me feeling cheated. They both ended too abruptly and the second one REALLY frustrated me. Is this a fantasy or a ghost story or what? You can't do all that and then end a book like that.
- The Secret life of bees - somebody Kidd - liked it very much, want to taste the food...made me have honey for breakfast
- Touch not the cat - Mary Stewart - romp
- Clayhanger - Arnold Bennett - read it in my teens and twenties, re-reading it is very satisfying. Think I am trying to reconnect with my roots...also, you feel you get to know Edwin so well, and recognise his feelings of the inside not matching the outside.
- a thousand splendid suns - can't remember who wrote it, but he also wrote the kite runner. I found this really powerful and actually stayed up late to read it... not something I do often at the moment.
- The Boleyn Inheritance - Phillipa Gregory - a good read - amazing that you can get so involved, even though you know what will happen to them all.
- Little House on the Prairie - Laura Ingalls Wilder - bought it for S, read it myself. Hadn't realised how amazing these people were - able to turn their hands to anything.
- The Old Wives' Tale - Arnold Bennett - what a great book. And what a great ending.
- Mad Cows - Kathy Lette - actually found this quite stressful and didn't quite believe the solution. Obviously bit into my fear of losing my children...so I couln't find it funny.
- emma - jane austen - you can see her faults and still like her. Must re-read Middlemarch. I suppose the difference is that George Eliot didn't always dole out happy endings for everyone. Poor Tertius Lydgate.
- Celandine - Steven Augarde - oh, a really good read. It had reality.
- The Rose of Sebastapol - by somebody McMahon - enjoyed it, but didn't tie up all the ends
- The fountain overflows - rebecca west- read it and loved it as a student, re-read it then, but haven't read it for years. Was really worried in the first few pages that I wouldn't like it, but sank into it again. Interesting being older - felt much warmer to Cordelia, much more generous.
- Mary Swann - Carol Shields. Haven't read this for years, but she is one of the authors I have held on to.
- Wintersmith - Terry Pratchett - a really satisfying read.
- Bean trees by barbara kingsolver - loved this, a real life affirmer. I always like her stuff.
- Sovereign - by somebody Sansom - nice pageturner, atmospheric, liked it.
- american gods - neil gaiman again - what a great book. Could he write some more, please?
- The exploits of moominpappa - tove janssen - how great is this? But these are not children's books are they? I am still in love with Snufkin.
- labyrinth - kate mosse - a great page turner but a bit of an anticlimax in the end. Be nice to each other? is that all?
- Neverwhere - neil gaiman - saw him on the telly the other night talking about how this was about homelessness. How egocentri am I? I thought it was all about me getting a diagnosis of a life-threatening illness.
- Little House in the Big Woods - reading it to S, so a bit of a cheat. But it's so detailed and takes you into this world that's cosy on the inside and scary on the outside. Hope she is enjoying it as much as I am.
- Random Acts of Enduring Love - or something like that. Read it through but felt vaguely irritated by it. Then discovered it's based on a true story and felt guilty for feeling irritated by it. There you go.
About Me
- sarah
- I am 43 years old, I have 2 children aged 7 and 4. I was diagnosed with breast cancer this time last year and since then have had chemotherapy, a mastectomy and radiotherapy. It's been a tough year for all of us, especially Rainbowgirl.
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