Feeling a bit wobbly

Rang Jen on Sunday night. Jen is a friend of Tess, just diagnosed with breast cancer, same age as me...so it was a slightly odd phone call, and I came off it feeling really inadequate, or maybe not inadequate, but worried that I've got it wrong.

You see, she is changing her diet, going completely organic, cutting out red meat, cutting down on dairy, avoiding soya. (She's been to the Bristol Cancer Centre). And she's not working. I came off the phone feeling like she is taking it really seriously and I have been trying to see it as a minor inconvenience that I can get through.

I guess it is all about feeling in control. I have faith in the statistics, I need to keep the rest of my life going as normally as possible - maybe it's having kids as well, I need to keep things normal for them, minimise the impact - damn it, I love cheese.

But there is a little bit of me thinking "Have i got it wrong? Am I going to die because I love Brie?"

But before this I used to feel really angry with places like the BCC that made people feel responsible for their illness in ways that there is little evidence for. (Soya, there is evidence for soya - but I've never indulged in soya - partly for that reason - partly cussedness - how has it got away with being a health food?). And I don't think my diet is too bad. A bit too much sweet stuff the last few weeks, but I'm getting back to normal now. Plenty of fruit and vegetables.

It is all about control. I guess everybody does it differently.